Philippians 1:21, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”As many of you know who read this, I had to return from India due to medical issues and have been going through tests to figure out what is wrong. It has been an interesting journey to say the least. Many of you also know that I was going for more testing, though many do not know what kind, and I am still going to keep you in the dark on that one for now.
I was in a good mood, as church was great, as the church I am attending, Calvary Evangelical Free, is an awesome church and the pastor really preaches to challenge and help us grow as believers. This past Sunday was a great sermon on how to live it out daily in our lives. Then I had the pleasure of being part of a great discussion with an awesome bunch of college students and young adults. Sunday was a blessed day, and typically is one of my favorite days because of the above mentioned.
On the way down to my next round of testing in Pittsburgh, I was listening to a sermon that was talking about Philippians and how our joy is not based on circumstance, but on Christ the object, and happiness is based on circumstance. The pastor was talking about complaining in our circumstances, and then comparing them to Paul’s situation he was in while writing Philippians. Paul was in jail and soon would die while writing this great letter. It would turn out to be quite an interesting sermon to listen to for what I was about to hear shortly.
Going into my appointment I had these two sermons in my head: living out my faith intellectually, as well as testimonial, as I believe one can’t really have a testimony without knowing who Jesus Christ is anyway. Anyone can just be nice, but I digress. Either way, I had heard two great sermons that were about to challenge me in so many ways that I did not realize.
After my testing, I asked the doctor what he thought, as I already knew I was crazy, I was looking for more substantial answers. What he told me was something I was not expecting, as the main two he mentioned would ultimately take my life and though there is medicine to shorten it, it still would not stop the ultimate end, death. Not what I expected to hear!! A literal shock to my system.
I made it down to my car and called my wife right away, and as soon as I heard her beautiful voice, I lost control of my emotions and cried for quite a while. How could this be the cause? If true, I may not see my youngest graduate high school. Again, it is not absolute yet, but they are testing for them. It makes you think of those things. After I gained composure, I left and put on some worship music, as I needed comfort from the One true source, Jesus Christ. I listened to Casting Crowns and just let myself think upon God.
I asked why. Who wouldn’t, right? He actually answered in a whisper, or bringing to mind different things, but either way God just brought to mind a few things.
He brought to mind all the things He has allowed to be done through me and my wife. He told me how I was used to work with nearly a hundred at-risk youth, and even to the point of some living with us. He spoke to me how I was allowed to work in the church and mentor and disciple many men and women of God. He sent me to India many times, and even for a year to teach church planters who will go into communities where the Bible has yet to be taught. Where churches do not exist yet, and will someday, because God allowed me to be part of His plan. How Awesome is that? Then He even allows me to counsel those that are hurting and help to heal their relationship with Jesus and those they love.
I have been blessed. What can I complain about, as God has used me in huge ways. Ways that I never thought I could be used, or even dreamed of, or could imagine. My mother told me from a young age that God was going to use me in great ways by God. He showed me today that He has done that already. Maybe there is more yet, but if not, I know that what my mother said has already come true.
God has been so gracious to me and has allowed me to be part of His plan in so many ways. If the diagnosis is the worst earthly diagnosis, I can live it out and continue to be the witness of His Grace, Truth and Love. I pray they are wrong, as they have been many times before, but as stated above, “to live is Christ, and die is gain.”Philippians 2:14-16, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.”
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