HURRY UP & WAIT!!

James 5:10, “Brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the Lord’s name as an example of suffering and patience.”

I continue down the road of testing and waiting. It seems like every time we think that we may get a result it turns out to be just another piece of the puzzle that is being added for the neurologist to look at. So, we hurry up and wait.

It is easy during these times to become very frustrated and emotionally drained. Many doctors keep asking me if I feel depressed. I look at them as if that is a rhetorical question, then answer, who wouldn’t be going through this at least a little. Then I explain that I don’t stay depressed, as I know where my strength ultimately lies, which gives me a chance to witness. But, I wonder if they think that is another sign of something wrong.

Then there are all the questions you get when you open yourself up like I do in writing and my life. People are always asking you if you heard something, and they do it out of caring, but it tends to test your patience because you know you have nothing to tell them. And it just reminds you once again that you are waiting for an answer. I don’t say this to stop people from asking, but just to say that it is another way that God works on me waiting for Him and His time to reveal my health issue through the doctor.

Attitudes come into play as well. It can play on your reactions and your mood after a while when your life seems to almost be consumed by your health. After you talk about it with family and friends, then spend time reading about it, it takes it’s toll on you. Not to mention the medicines you are on that also effect your body and mood. You see symptoms being treated, but no diagnosis. . .hurry up, take the pill and wait.

If you’re not careful, this can certainly affect your relationship with God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. You become self-centered and think of yourself and start to slip in your communication with God if not careful. Then you stop reading and worshipping like we are called to in any circumstance, and ultimately we become farther away from God, even though this is the time we need Him most.

I have been given this burden and challenge and want to be patient, just as the prophets were, and they went through far worse then me. My goal is to see how I can use this to witness to those going through the same thing, or the doctors God puts in front of me. Maybe even being an example to those watching me that my attitude would be like Christ Jesus through this.

Have I failed in this? Oh Yeah!! But I am going to press on and move forward and strive to be patient in all this and have an attitude of Christ. If this is my cross to carry, or the thorn in my side, or just a test, I want God to be proud that one day when I am standing before Him, He will tell me: “Well done good and faithful servant.”

If there are any out there that I have not been an example to, been short to, or have demonstrated a poor attitude through this time, then I am sorry. I repent and ask your forgiveness. It is not my intention to ever present my Savior in a bad light. My goal is to be like Christ. I will strive to be more like Jesus.

Philippians 2:5, “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus,”